Lane Bryant – I Banish Thee!

Amazing 1945 Lane Bryant Catalog - Uploaded by Jooleeah Stahkey

Amazing 1945 Lane Bryant Catalog. Uploaded to flickr by Jooleeah Stahkey

I have bought my last Lane Bryant shirt.

I declare it to be so. Not that I have anything against Lane Bryant, mind you*, but a girl has to draw a line in the sand somewhere.

See, I travel and do trade shows for work. Every couple of months or so I spend several days in a 10 foot square doing my song and dance for anyone I can convince to stop for a few moments. These are industry only shows – all fellow professionals. I typically wear the female version of a suit: blazer, button down shirt, dress pants, heels. I had been wanting some new dress shirts, but finding shirts for me is a bit tricky. I’m a busty gal, and as such, button down shirts have a tendency to gape in a most unattractive way.

Lane Bryant, which caters to us curvaceous gals, is one of the few places that I can usually find shirts that fit. A few months back, I picked up a new one in black. Sadly, however, the first time I went to iron it, my iron started making terrible crunchy-electrical-wiring-gone-wrong noises. I quickly stepped away and unplugged it in fear. The shirt ended up the in the “to do” pile.

So, when I picked up a new iron and attacked my pile of wrinkly clothes, I found the new shirt. I wore it the other day and it looked nice enough, though the thing with Lane Bryant is that they automatically assume that your hips are a good two to three times larger than your bust. Essentially, most Lane Bryant shirts look like little dresses with flares at the bottom. For those of us whose hips are actually smaller than their bust, it’s kind of ridiculous – and now that I have slimmed down considerably, it’s even more ridiculous! There was so much fabric tucked into my pants, I felt like I had a tutu shoved in there.

And that is when I decided – no more Lane Bryant shirts for me.

I’m getting closer and closer to my first weight goal. Still “overweight” by all those charts you see on the interwebs, but far lower than I have been in a couple decades. I feel great and I love the way I look. I am also smart enough to know how many people end up regaining the weight they’ve lost, though, so I am making this vow, right here and now.

Never again.

I don’t care what it takes. Lane Bryant, our days are through.



* Okay, I actually do have something against Lane Bryant. How about a little less bling, weird multicolor paisleys, and satin, hmmm? Not all of us are going to the discotheque, some of us just want a shirt that buttons properly to wear to work.

Photo credit: jooleeah_stahkey

1 thought on “Lane Bryant – I Banish Thee!

  1. Pingback: The New Wardrobe | Long View Hill

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