I decided it was time to reward myself for all the hard work I have been doing – the weight loss, the running and lifting weights. I’ve changed a lot about myself, not just physically, but my attitude and mental outlook as well. I decided it was time to get something to celebrate that. I bought a kayak.
I don’t remember if I have mentioned it on this blog before, but I own a cabin. It is just a little place up the woods located on a small lake. I’ve had the two person version of this kayak for years, but have been wanting the one person for almost as long. Why haven’t I bought one before? Well, I don’t transport my kayak – it stays up at the cabin, so I don’t own a roof rack or anything like that. I also drive a somewhat obscure hatchback, and finding racks that will work with it has been tough. So, the first problem has been simply transporting a 10′ kayak to the lake.
The other problem was money. For awhile after my divorce I had to be very, very frugal. A kayak just wasn’t in the budget. It’s seemed like every time I thought about buying one, something else popped up – something that required money. Usually a house repair project that couldn’t be avoided. Recreational kayaks like these aren’t terribly expensive, but when your toilet is flooding your cabin, other things have to take priority.
I’ll be completely honest with you, there is one other reason. I didn’t even admit it to myself until I thought about writing this post. I think I have been afraid of buying a kayak. With a two person, I always had someone with me to bail me out if I got in trouble. I never felt like I wouldn’t be able to menuever it or get it around the lake. In a one person, I’d be on my own. I’ve been scared that I didn’t have the strength to do it on my own – both mentally and physically, so I let the other challenges (transportation and money) keep me from moving ahead on it, even though it has meant that I haven’t been out on my own lake in a long, long time.
Things are different now. I am stronger. My mind, my body, my shoulders, my arms – I feel confident to power this kayak around the lake. I’ve also been taking more risks lately. I’ve been getting out there figuring out how to run. Having done that, I’m not as afraid of making a fool out of myself. If it happens, it happens. I am okay with that.
In fact, instead of being afraid of being out there alone, I am excited about the challenge.