I started this blog for a number of reasons. I’ve been struggling with some of those big life questions – What are my goals? Who do I want to be? What do I want to be? Where am I going? and How the heck am I going to get there? I’ve been reading a lot, thinking a lot and I’ve gotten to a spot where I need someplace to gather everything together – someplace to make sense of it all. This isn’t about trying to come up with universal truths or even trying to answer questions for anyone else. This is about me.
What is in a Name? Long View Hill
The “Hill” portion of the name of this blog comes from a lot of places. I live in an area that is defined by three neighborhoods, all with the name Hill in them. Where I live: my state, my city and my town all have a way of defining me right now. It is part of what I am thinking about.
I also chose hill because it fits in a metaphorical sense. I’m not at all worried about being “over the hill” but I am in the middle part of my life. Part of what I am defining is what that means to me – what does the past mean, and what does the future hold?
My last name comes into play here, as well. My last name is based off of my ancestors who apparently built their homes in up in the hills and high places of their mostly flat country. It was unusual enough that they got names after it, apparently.
Finally, I have this mental image when I think of a view from a hill – not of a guru sitting atop a mountain, but instead me, sprawled out on the side of a hill, laying in the grass, shoes off, looking at the sky, the clouds and world around me. I am hoping that this blog will help me figure out my own long view from my very own hill.
Weight Loss and Running
This isn’t a blog just about weight loss or running, but I am learning new to both, so there are a lot of posts about these subjects. I started losing weight on Jan. 15, 2013. I started running in March of 2013. These things are having a bigger emotional impact on my life than expected, and writing is how I work that all out.
As I write this at the end of July 2013 I’ve realized feel far more confident today than I did before I started on my weight loss journey. I am more willing to take risks, try new things and speak my mind. Interestingly, it has almost nothing to do with losing weight or my body at all, but it has everything to do with working out. I originally assumed that it came from losing weight. I looked better, so I felt better, so I seemed more confident. But you know what? That isn’t it. I’ve spent some time really looking inside myself and I’ve come up with a completely different answer.
Taking risks enables me to take other risks.
When I started running, I had no idea what I was doing. (Truthfully, I still don’t.) So, quite literally every step of my way I’ve been pushing my own boundaries. Having hated the idea of athletics for most of my life just getting out and exerting myself in public was a huge risk. Taking a Run Clinic was a big deal for me. It was a great class and I loved it, (and will probably go back for a refresher sometime soon,) but I had to run in front of other people – something I hadn’t done in years. It is good that my fear of injuries is greater than my shyness! Each time I run, I am taking risks – whether they are external (new locations, other people, weather conditions, etc.) or facing my own internal fears and self imposed limits.
And it isn’t just running, buying a kayak and going out on the water solo for my first time was a new experience. Lifting weights has been a building challenge. (Each time I feel confident in a weight, I go out and get the next one!) My boyfriend recently asked me if I’d ever consider taking a martial arts class, and I have looked at gyms and other fitness centers in my area. I even went some while out of town – a complete first for me.
I haven’t achieved everything I have set out to do. Sometimes despite my best efforts, my plans go awry, things happen I don’t expect. But here is the important part – working out (running, kayaking, etc.) is getting me to continually try new things, and every time, I feel great for getting out there and giving it my best shot. That’s lead to me feeling more confident in myself overall. I am speaking my mind more and tearing down a number of long held beliefs about myself.
Interestingly, that was what this blog was supposed to be about – seeking new paths, learning more about myself, trying new things, and figuring out what matters. I just didn’t expect to find it this way. I’ve been thinking that weight loss and working out and all that were one path on my journey, but now I see that it actually, for me, is the path. It’s leading me, emotionally and mentally, towards being able to take leaps of faith in other parts of my life.
Who would have thought?